Living on Writer's Block

Above her and off to her right she heard Samuel’s boots clump down the stairs towards them. She looked up toward the captain as Lee came and leaned back against the rail beside her. 

“How’d you like them, Redhawk?” he asked, stepping off the bottom stair.

“I liked them all immensely. I got a lot more information about you, as well,” she said, squinting over at him as he joined her at the railing. “A line of faces wouldn’t have gotten me that,” she said pointedly.

“Oh? What kind?” he asked idly, ignoring the comment.

“They’re all extremely fond of you. And Merlin told me about your treatment of your rowers. I was impressed by that, and just a little touched. As I told you before, I thought you were heartless. I’ve been proven wrong again,” she said quietly. 

Lee politely touched his hat to the captain and then turned and left. 

“What touched you so much about the rowers?” Samuel asked, following Lee with his eyes.

“Mostly just my own experience with whips. I’m glad you don’t whip them.”

“Aye, that was what brought Merlin to me.” Samuel looked back at Ramona. “He was a slave once, you know. He likes a captain that treats his subordinates like people.”

She laughed gently. “It’s a good trait in anyone, Captain.”

Samuel regarded her thoughtfully, his head on one side. “You seem very… I don’t know… smiley. If that’s a word. But who cares about grammar anyway,” he muttered aside to himself. “What I want to know is, why? I’ve never seen you this cheerful, and you’ve been through a lot. How are you this cheerful?”

They were briefly interrupted by Pierre, bringing Ramona a bowl of stew. As he handed it to her, her smile grew even bigger and she thanked him profusely. He waited to see her take a bite. When she did, she moaned ecstatically. “Mm, just like before!” She swallowed quickly and looked at the old cook, eyes shining. “Thank you ever so much, Pierre, this is utterly delicious!” She stepped toward him impulsively and put her arms around his neck, though she was careful not to let any of the stew fall. He was surprised for a moment, and then he returned the hug happily. 

“Yeh’re very welcome, lassie; it’s the least I could do fer yeh,” he said as she drew back. He nodded cheerfully and then turned back to return to the hatch. 

Samuel let her finish the bowl before he pressed again for an answer. “So?” he asked as she finally lowered the bowl to rest it on the rail between her hands. 

She turned to face him. “So… what?”

His lip quirked in slight amusement. “So why are you so cheerful?”

She looked away from him toward the ocean, her left hand resting on the rail beside the bowl. “Remember when you asked about my jaw, and how I said I couldn’t believe it? How you asked if I couldn’t believe my jaw didn’t hurt and I said ‘no, I can’t believe I’m free’?”

He nodded.

“It’s mostly that. I’m… free. For the first time in my life, I’m actually free, and it’s amazing. But also, it’s that for the first time I can remember since the Matron picked me up, I’m not scared. I can trust the people around me, and I like them. Even when I was a child, I never felt that.”

Samuel’s eyebrows jumped up. “What, you didn’t trust me when we were children?” he asked. He chuckled slightly. “No, I understand; I wasn’t the nicest youngster.” He turned to face the sea with her, bending down to rest his elbows on the rail and clasping his hands before him.

“No,” she agreed, “But neither was I. Now we’ve changed. I didn’t realize how hard things could be, back as a child, and I took what I had for granted. Now that I have that perspective,” she continued, turning again to lean against the rail, “I know what it is to have someone you can trust.”

Samuel’s mouth twitched slightly into a faint grin. “And do you trust me, now?” 

She smiled, mischief dancing mockingly in her emerald eyes. She tilted her head and threw an appraising glance in his direction as she considered. “No,” she said at last, and laughed a little as he looked indignantly up at her. 

“When I risked life and limb for your sorry carcass?” he asked. 

Her smile faltered and her eyes flickered back from the bright green they had been to turn grey and dark. She straightened up away from the rail and took a step back, drawing her arms close against her chest, staring at him as if she’d seen a ghost.

“Redhawk? What’s wrong?” Oh, blast it all, he thought darkly. The captain straightened up and turned in her direction. “Calm down, lass. What’s up?” She still stared mutely up at him. After waiting patiently for a moment, he became uncomfortable with her eyes fixed so unwaveringly on him. He gritted his teeth. “This isn’t like you, Redhawk. What’s wrong?”

She slowly turned toward the rail and leaned on it heavily, her eyes distant as she stared out across the bay. She swallowed hard. “It’s nothing, really… or at least, it should be. You said — ” she took a deep breath to calm herself. “You sort of — called me a carcass. I understand it was in jest, but — the Matron said — something very similar, before she left me with the needles. She called me a corpse. I don’t know why, but it suddenly came back to me, as if she’d just said it; as if, I were going to be left — to them again.” She fell silent, her grey eyes staring vacantly over the rail.

Inwardly, Samuel cursed himself. He had to learn to be more careful with his words. She’d probably had a lot of harsh words thrown at her as the Matron’s slave. “I’m sorry, Redhawk. Sincerely. Of course, I should have known to avoid anything like that.”

She tried valiantly to smile over at him. “No, it’s not your fault; you were joking. I just got a flashback, that’s all, I was being silly.” 

He gave her a faint smile of encouragement. “You don’t need to worry about that now.” 

She nodded and managed a smile. He bowed slightly to her and turned away to go up the stairs to the poop deck, where Wilhelm was lounging against the steering wheel, polishing pointlessly at his fractured monocle. Ramona turned out to stare over the sea toward the place where the town began to make itself known along the coastline. She still wondered whether she ought to join the Osprey for a while, or if she should just remain in the grey town of Porthaven. Suddenly, there was a tapping of small, bare feet behind her. She looked back to see little Jiminy Cox coming up to her. She smiled quickly at him — but her eyes did not; they were still distant and preoccupied. 

“Hello, little man — you’re Jiminy, correct?” she turned to crouch down in front of him. 

He nodded quickly, enormously pleased that she’d remembered. “Yes ma’am, I am.”

“Tell me, Jiminy, what’s your job here?” she asked, quickly tapping his freckly nose with a finger. “You didn’t tell me before.”

He giggled. “I’m a cabin-boy, Miss Ramona; I clean a lotta things here. And sometimes, if Cap’n needs somethin’, he sends me to get it. Like now, he sent me to look after you.” The child hesitated. “Is everything okay, Miss Ramona?”

She smiled, somewhat sadly. “I just had a — a sort of scare, that’s all.”

“Did Cap’n scare you, Miss?” he asked, awed and a little worried.

“Mm, you could say that, I suppose. But it was mostly bad memories that came up from what he said.”

The boy nodded. “Like a nightmare?”

“Yes, sort of like a nightmare.”

“I had a nightmare a few nights ago. It wasn’t nice. I got so scared I woke up, crying.”

“Oh, did you? I’m sorry to hear that.” She put a hand down to the deck and lowered herself to a sitting position with her back against the rail. She drew up a knee and propped her arm out on it. Jiminy plopped down on the deck next to her. “Do you want to tell me?” she asked.

Jiminy looked up at her, scrutiny wrinkling his round face very sweetly. “I like you, Miss Ramona, so I’m going to tell you. I had a nightmare that a big man with a big black hat and a big, black, long beard was chasing us in a big, black, long, scary ship. It was like the old lady’s, but black, and when it moved, the water turned red behind it. He wanted to kill us all, Miss Ramona; and he killed Merlin, and Mister Pierre, and — and my big brother Ed, too.”

Ramona interrupted. “Wait, Edward is your brother?”

“Mm-hm,” the boy said, nodding. “And the man hurt Mister Gide, too, and the captain tried to kill him and got sucked down a big black hole in the man’s ship. You were there, too, Miss Ramona, and you got sucked in, too. That was the scary part, because I like you a lot and I didn’t even get to know you before you was sucked through the hole.” 

Ramona was touched that Jiminy had dreamed about her and been so scared when she vanished. She put out a hand and ruffled his hair gently. “Well, don’t you worry about that, little mate; I’m not going down any dark holes anytime soon.” She smiled encouragingly. 

They were silent together for a moment before Jiminy spoke again. “Are you going to come with us?” His pretty brown eyes shone with hope.

She gave a quiet chuckle. “I don’t know yet, Jiminy,” she said, looking out across the open sea beyond the other side of the ship. 

“Well, I want you to. We all do, Miss Ramona.”

“Why?” She looked back down at him.

“You’re such a nice lady, and we want to do something for you. Cap’n spent the last two days telling us all about you. The grown-ups are saying you had a hard life and deserve a break.” He paused, looking intently at her. “Is that true, Miss Ramona? You look happy for someone with a hard life.”

She laughed gently. “For now, Jiminy, let’s just say my happiness at being free erases my past.”

“But you said just now that you had a scare.”

“I did, didn’t I? Well,” she said, standing up, “sometimes, certain things remind me of my past, and then I get a bit scared. But then I calm down, and I’m happy again.”

“Like when mister Pierre helped me calm down after my dream,” Jiminy said as he stood up beside her.

“Oh, did he?” Jiminy nodded. “Does he take care of everyone on this ship?” She asked as they began to stroll around the deck. 

“Yes, ma’am, he does! He makes everyone feel good when they feel bad. He says it’s what he likes to do.” 

Ramona nodded. “Well, Jiminy, what do you think? Would they all like it if I came along for a while?”

The child’s head snapped up and he looked at her, full of hope. “Oh, will you, Miss Ramona? Willyou-willyou-willyou?” He began bouncing excitedly.

Ramona chewed her lip anxiously. She looked down at the bouncing child beside her, whose eyes shone with hope. She cringed at the thought of dousing that sweet little face, but at the same time, how could she impose on the ship any longer?

“I’m not sure, Jim,” she said softly.

He stopped bouncing. “Oh, please, Miss Ramona!” His brown eyes grew sorrowful. “We like you ever so much and we really want you to stay,” he said. 

She looked down at him, deep in thought.